The Space Between
Book
Skill

Repair After Conflict

Address your part after conflict without using repair as a reason to contact someone who cannot or does not want contact.

Before you use this with another personUse communication, repair, return, or contact only when it is lawful and the other person is willing. If a court order limits contact, location, or communication, follow it exactly. A coping or communication skill never creates permission to call, text, message, visit, follow, return, or use another person to pass a message.
What it is

Repair means taking responsibility for your part after conflict and changing what you do next. Sometimes repair includes a lawful, wanted conversation. Sometimes it means changed behavior with no contact at all.

How to do it
Calm down first.
Identify your part clearly.
Avoid excuses.
Acknowledge impact.
If contact is lawful and wanted, apologize when appropriate.
If contact is not allowed or not wanted, let changed behavior be the repair.
Identify what you will do differently.
Follow through.
Try It Now
Remember
Repair is not permission to contact someone. Sometimes the repair is changed behavior with no contact at all.
Want to understand this more deeply?

Chapter 5: Communicate Better

Read the story and teaching behind this skill, then come back here when you want to practice it.

Read chapter

Related Skills

Skill

Take Responsibility

Own your behavior without shifting responsibility onto another person or circumstance.

Skill

Focus on Impact, Not Just Intent

Consider what your behavior actually did, not only what you meant.

Skill

Listen to Understand

Pay attention to what another person is saying before preparing your defense.