Skill

Focus on Impact, Not Just Intent

Consider what your behavior actually did, not only what you meant.

What it is

Intent is what you meant to do. Impact is what your behavior actually did to another person or situation.

How to do it

State what you intended.

Describe what you actually did.

Consider how the behavior may have been experienced.

Listen if the other person describes the impact.

Decide what behavior would create a different impact next time.

Remember

You are responsible not only for what you meant, but for learning from what your behavior did.

Want to understand this more deeply?

Chapter 6: Own My Choices

Read the story and teaching behind this skill, then come back here when you want to practice it.

Own your behavior without shifting responsibility onto another person or circumstance.

Acknowledge the emotion another person appears to be expressing.

Look beyond the next thirty seconds before choosing what to do.