Skill

Find the Feeling Under Anger

Identify the vulnerable emotion that anger may be covering.

What it is

Anger is often the emotion we notice first, but underneath it may be fear, shame, rejection, helplessness, jealousy, loneliness, disappointment, or hurt.

How to do it

Notice the anger.

Ask what happened right before it.

Ask what that event meant to you.

Look for a more vulnerable emotion.

Choose a response that fits that emotion rather than the anger alone.

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Remember

Anger may be the loudest feeling, but it is not always the first one.

Want to understand this more deeply?

Chapter 2: Understand What I’m Feeling

Read the story and teaching behind this skill, then come back here when you want to practice it.

Read chapter

Related Skills

Skill

Name What I’m Feeling

Put an accurate word to the emotion instead of acting it out.

Skill

Notice What My Body Is Telling Me

Notice what your body is telling you before it turns into something you do.

Skill

Pause Before Responding

Give yourself enough time to choose instead of react.